Stone Oak Therapist Helps Couples Discern Their Best Path

Erin Ross, Ph.D., LMFT, LPC, PLLC, once studied to be an attorney. She started law school desiring to help people and families. But Dr. Ross realized her gift of listening to individuals in their most difficult moments and helping them improve their relationships fit better as a marriage and family therapist.

“I love working to empower and help people find their confidence as capable, loving human beings,” she said. She completed her master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from St. Mary’s University in 2006, followed by her Ph.D. in the same field from Texas Tech University in 2010.

While she was at Texas Tech, Dr. Ross studied under the direction of Steven M. Harris, Ph.D. LMFT, now Director of the Couple and Family Therapy program at the University of Minnesota and Associate Director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project. While in Texas, Dr. Harris and his colleagues participated in research as part of the National Divorce Decision-Making Study team to discover if all divorces are necessary, especially considering their costs to society, not to mention the emotional impact on families. They estimated that funding the fallout of the divorce process costs $1.2 billion in Texas alone.

Interested in developing innovative ways to help couples considering divorce, Dr. Harris and Director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project William Doherty, Ph.D., developed a new therapy process called Discernment Counseling. Dr. Ross has studied this modality among her other specialties.

Dr. Ross describes discernment counseling on her website, www.Erinrossphd.com. 

“The primary goal is to help the couple gain clarity in their decision whether to continue in the relationship. They are given specific paths to choose, so that moving forward they both know the trajectory of their relationship. Couples can choose to remain as they are - I call this ‘status quo,’ separate and/or divorce, or commit to intensive couples therapy to try and repair the marriage for at least six months. It is a different style than traditional relational/marriage therapy in that the goal is not to improve or grow the relationship, merely to make a decision on where the relationship might be headed.” 

Dr. Ross may ask couples questions like, “What happened in the relationship that caused the partners to consider ending it?” and “How do the children factor into their decision-making?”

“Traditional marriage therapy, while incredibly helpful once you have made the decision to improve and grow in the relationship, doesn’t meet the needs of individuals who aren’t sure their marriage is where they want/need to be anymore,” Dr. Ross said.

“Discernment counseling opens the door for couples to feel their place in the marriage is a choice. I believe that marriage is healthiest and most secure when both couples aren’t feeling forced to stay married but choose each other every morning. This feels good. The discernment process allows room to question and rest with whatever path is chosen, knowing the informed decision was made together.” 

Discernment counseling can help reduce potential conflict between partners as they decide whether to separate, and it can make the separation process easier if that’s what they decide. If a couple chooses to enter into couples therapy after the discernment process is over, they may benefit by already having identified the core relationship conflicts and what each partner needs to work on and improved communication.

In addition to discernment counseling, Dr. Ross specializes in sexual wellness, couples/relational counseling, communication work, marital counseling, and depression/anxiety. She’s also completed training through the Collaborative Divorce San Antonio and Collaborative Divorce Texas organizations to serve as a Mental Health Professional Neutral (MHP-Neutral) in collaborative divorce cases.

Dr. Ross became interested in serving as a collaboratively trained therapist in the collaborative divorce process because she strongly believes collaborative divorce offers a path for a healthier family dynamic moving forward, post-divorce.

Collaborative divorce is a method of resolving issues that people deal with when ending a marriage. It provides an alternative to the traditional divorce ligation, allowing couples to divorce peacefully, outside of a court room.

“Any opportunity you have to divorce peacefully, outside of a court room, is a win,” Dr. Ross wrote on her website.” The relationship you have with your spouse should remain as amicable as possible. … Choosing a process that allows for this is ideal for the family system and your mental health.”

“It’s so important that individuals understand that when children are involved, the family dynamic never ends - only changes,” she said. “As parents, their ability to communicate with one another continues to be a foundation for a healthy upbringing for their children. As I tell my clients, your children will be as okay as you let them be. My desire to become involved as a collaboratively trained therapist was born out of a need. We can take divisive moments and create connection – and society needs that capability.

“Allowing individuals to feel the peace of transparent, direct communication without a confrontational mentality allows more room for them to hear one another, look at what makes the most sense for the family dynamic, and amicably separate,” she said. 

Dr. Ross offers virtual or in-person therapy at her office located just behind Aldaco’s in the heart of Stone Oak, 21708 Hardy Oak, suite 105. Dr. Ross has been married for 15 years and has three children. Visit www.Erinrossphd.com to learn more about her and schedule an appointment or call 210-794-7900.